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could you correct this essay, please?
It’s important to follow fashion. Discuss.
Fashion is a global phenomenon that influences most of us in a negative way. This is clearly reflected in the fact that, nowadays, the majority of people cannot wait to get the latest products in market so as to be not left behind. In my opinion, being “fashionable” implies waste of money and time because fashion changes constantly.
In the firs place, from the economical point of view, modern changes in fashion embody many of the negative aspects of capitalism which encourages consumers to buy things unnecessarily. According to some economists, the telephonic companies decrease the quality in the production of the mobile phones to make them last just two or three year and force people to purchase a new phone.
As a second view, canons of beauty established by the fashion world affect the image that adolescents can copy from them. The imposition of the canons can come from means of communication such as television and advertising. In these means of communication, some people appear with perfect bodies but in fact they are retouched by computer programmes.
From the healthy standpoint, the extremely thinness that top models offer can cause nutritious disorders to those who want to be like them. This fact is very well reflected in the fact that nowadays most of the adolescents in the world suffers from bulimia or anorexia. A fifteen year old girl declares that she had suffered from anorexia because she saw extremely thin top models on television and she thought it was the “right image.” Moreover, she declares that her self-esteem had decreased due to the fact that she did not look as them.
There are those who argue, on the other hand, that they enjoy the diversity that changing fashion can apparently provide. The constant change is a way to satisfy their desires and to experience “new and interesting things.”
To conclude, it is my believe that fashion houses and their associated fashion designers as well as high-statues consumers, including celebrities, appear to have some role in determining the rates and directions of fashion change. For these reason, the image of fashion leads negative attitudes towards society.
nowadays, the majority
I would substitute ‘currently’ for ‘nowadays’.
products in market so as to be not left behind
‘products in the market, so they will not be left behind.’
In the firs place….should be first, not firs.
the extremely thinness ?? Did you mean ‘extreme thinness’?
just two or three year ..plural, should be ‘years’.
telephonic….misspelled. Should be telephone, or substitute ‘communication companies’.
To conclude, it is my believe …belief, not believe.
From the healthy standpoint..Health, not healthy. Healthy implies a state of being (I’m healthy), health would refer to overall well-being.
Those are just the things I saw. There may be more.
3 Responses to “could you correct this essay, please?”
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September 22nd, 2009
Posted by admin in imaging associates phone | 3 Comments »
didnt read it
References :
Fashion is a global phenomenon that influences many of us in a negative way. This is clearly reflected by the fact that many people cannot wait to get the latest products in market so as to be not left behind. In my opinion, being “fashionable” implies waste of money and time because fashion changes constantly.
From an economical point of view, modern changes in fashion embody many of the negative aspects of capitalism that encourage consumers to purchase things unnecessarily. According to some economists, the telephonic companies decrease the quality of production on certain mobile phones, while adding upgrades to others, to make them last only two or three years which force people to purchase a new phone.
Canons of beauty established by the fashion world affect the image that adolescents can copy from them and carry with them through their life. The imposition of the canons come from means of communication such as television and advertising. By these means of advertising, most people appear with perfect bodies while in fact they are retouched by computer programs.
From the healthy standpoint, the extreme thinness that top models offer can cause eating disorders to those who want to emulate them. This fact is reflected that in modern days many adolescents in the world suffers from bulimia or anorexia. A fifteen year old girl declares that she had suffered from anorexia because she saw extremely thin top models on television and she thought it was the “right image.” Additionally, this fifteen year old girl claims her self-esteem had decreased because she failed in being able to look like the models.
There are those who argue, on the other hand, that they enjoy the diversity that changing fashion can apparently provide. The constant change is a way to satisfy their desires and to experience “new and interesting things.”
To conclude, it is my believe that fashion houses and their associated fashion designers as well as high-statues consumers, including celebrities, appear to have some role in determining the rates and directions of fashion change. For these reasons, the image of high fashion leads to negative attitudes towards society.
References :
Hope this helps!
nowadays, the majority
I would substitute ‘currently’ for ‘nowadays’.
products in market so as to be not left behind
‘products in the market, so they will not be left behind.’
In the firs place….should be first, not firs.
the extremely thinness ?? Did you mean ‘extreme thinness’?
just two or three year ..plural, should be ‘years’.
telephonic….misspelled. Should be telephone, or substitute ‘communication companies’.
To conclude, it is my believe …belief, not believe.
From the healthy standpoint..Health, not healthy. Healthy implies a state of being (I’m healthy), health would refer to overall well-being.
Those are just the things I saw. There may be more.
References :